To My Baby Up In Heaven

My mom and I have our phones out ready to record the ultrasound since we wanted the heartbeat on video along with the baby of course.  My boyfriend and my mom and I are looking at the screen and we’re all looking at the baby and then the doctor switched to hear the heartbeat. U could see the baby… but u couldn’t hear a heartbeat.  I knew something was wrong when I didnt see waves on the bottom where the heartbeat was at my last appointment.

So I stopped recording on my phone and the doctor went “huh… have you had any bleeding at all?” I said “no” she says “well there’s no heartbeat.” My heart dropped that day. I bursted out crying. Crying my lungs out and and just cried and cried. I dont think most people truly understand how much is lost when a baby dies.  You dont just lose a baby, you also lose the 1 and 2 and 10 and 16 year old he or she would’ve become. You lose their first steps, Christmas mornings, loose teeth, first day of school, you lose it all.

The doctor said she was sorry for our loss and then said to come back next week because she wanted to see if I could pass the baby on my own and if not then I would have to have a D&C done.