As A Single Mother, What Happens When We’re Gone?

I was talking to a really good friend of mine the other day, who also happens to be a single mom. I’ve known her since her son was 8 and he is now 23. She brought up a subject that we never want to think about; single parent or not. What is going to happen when we’re no longer around?

As a parent, we never want to think of a world where our kids have to live without us. Ever. But the reality is, it’s going to happen eventually. But as a single parent, the thought hits us even harder. The flood of emotions that come with the thought hits us like a ton of bricks and we’re immediately paralyzed. What is going to happen?

I’m ridiculously fortunate to have the support system that I do. My son and I are lucky enough to have both of my parents, a very large family and his amazing Godmother, all of which would take him in without a moments notice if anything were to happen to me. I’m extremely blessed. Even so, that doesn’t come without guilt. They SHOULDN’T have to take over as a parent, let’s be honest, that should be his Dad’s responsibility. Unfortunately, that is a luxury we don’t have. We have to be even more careful because if anything were to happen, our children wouldn’t have a parent. The thought devastates me and shakes me to my core.

My son and I are extremely close. He is one billion percent my entire life, the reason my heart beats, the reason I am the person I am. We tell each other everything. If something were to happen to me, it would absolutely send him into a downward spiral. He would lose that beautiful crooked smile he’s had since day one. Knowing that I had something to do with that (although at no fault of my own) absolutely kills me. 

Don’t get me wrong, losing someone you love is never easy. But having the support of your husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend definitely takes away a small part of that sadness. Knowing your child has another parent helps take away some of the heartache. He doesn’t have that.  When I’m gone, he has no parent. He doesn’t have that unconditional love and support from someone who helped make him.  And that, my friends, is completely unfair. It’s so terrifying to think that there could be a time where my baby walks this earth feeling so lonely. Obviously our goal as single parents is to live forever so our children never have to be without us, that no matter what this world throws at them, we will always be there. As a single parent, we think about getting older just a tad bit different than a two parent household does and unfortunately we think about it more often too. It’s not because we want to, it’s because we don’t have a choice. That’s just one more thing we have to do “double duty” on. We have to be both parents in this situation.

I know we’ll be ok. He WILL be ok. I always try to instill faith in him and to believe that regardless of what life throws at us, as long as we have faith and fully trust the situation, things always work out and we will always bounce back from anything. I hope for our sake and the sake of our babies, the unimaginable never happens. But if it should, he will ALWAYS know that I will never leave his side. I will be walking with him and supporting him and cheering him on through the good times and bad, through his successes and failures. My hope is that he knows that too and that it is enough to get him through.

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