We often talk about love to our daughters, but what about our sons? Don’t they equally deserve the love that’s portrayed in fairy tales? Some of the prince’s in fairy tales don’t even have names. What’s that teaching our boys?
I want to raise my son to believe in love. Despite being divorced, I’m still a firm believer in true love. But I also know that love comes along with its fair share of challenges, and for that, I want my son to be prepared. These are all the things I want my son to know about love- the good and the bad.
1. Follow your heart, but don’t forget your head.
It’s easy to get caught up in the feelings of infatuation at the beginning, but don’t totally lose your head. Enjoy it, but keep an eye out for red flags. When that infatuation phase ends, you’ll be glad you did.
2. Make sure she’s pursuing you, too.
The idea that the man should be the only one chasing is outdated. Men want to feel pursued and desired, too. Make sure she’s putting forth just as much effort as you are.
3. Partnership, not ownership.
Just as you want to be your own person, so does she. Be her partner, not her owner. Let her bloom and be free. Support her and watch her flourish. That’s how true trust and love is built.
4. Spoil her with more than the material things.
Gifts are nice, but that’s not the only way to express how you feel. Tell her how you feel, often. Help her out, often. Do all of these things without being asked. It shows you’re truly invested in the relationship.
5. Figure out your love language and communicate it to your significant other.
So many relationships suffer because the partners aren’t loving each other in the way they need
loved. The five main love languages are: Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Learn yours and hers, then make sure you practice both frequently.
6. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
Every relationship has their struggles. Expecting a relationship to be perfect will set you up for failure each and every time. The hallmark of a healthy relationship is one where the good outweighs the bad.
7. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt.
to be ● ● ● ● ●
Getting your heart broken sucks. But keeping yourself closed off from love sucks even more. Those broken hearts teach you some of the greatest lessons. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. If all you get from it is a lesson, then you’ve still won.
8. A strong relationship has to have trust.
Without trust, you have nothing. If you can’t trust the person you’re with, it’s going to be a constant uphill battle to try to make it work. Be open and honest from the very beginning in order to build that trust. It’s better to know from the start whether or not it’s going to work than to waste years of your life on something that was always doomed for failure.
9. Trust actions, not words.
All of the flowery words mean nothing if they’re not backed by actions. Pay attention to how your partner acts towards you. That’s who they really are.
10. Your partner shouldn’t make you feel stagnant.
A couple that grows together stays together. If your partner constantly says “you’ve changed”, walk away. People are supposed to change. That’s how you grow. Your partner should encourage you to strive for more. If they make you feel stagnant, they aren’t the one for you.
11. A relationship is 100/100, not 50/50.
A healthy relationship requires two people giving 100% each and every day. Each partner needs to be whole on their own in order for it to be successful. None of that 50/50 stuff. It simply won’t fulfill you.
12. There’s more to life than your relationship.
Love is powerful, but it shouldn’t take over your entire life. Maintain your friendships, hobbies, career, and more. Make your relationship a priority, but never so much that it eliminates everything else that’s good in your life.
13. Don’t ditch your friends.
You may want to spend every waking moment with your significant other, but don’t forget about your friends. When things inevitably get tough between you and your partner, you’ll need to have your friends around you for support. It’s not healthy to make your partner your everything.
14. Your partner should want to invest in you.
If they aren’t asking about your day, wanting to meet your friends and family, and pushing you to be a better person, they aren’t the one. Your partner should want to make an investment in you, without even being asked.
15. You can’t expect your partner to complete you.
You have to feel secure in yourself and who you are first. And you shouldn’t look for self-worth in a partner. Your partner should add to your life, but you should be complete on your own first.
16. Find someone you can have fun with!
Life is much too serious. While there’s a time to be serious, there’s also a time for fun! Your partner should bring out your silly side and encourage you to let loose. If you can’t have fun with them, you’re going to get bored very quickly.
17. Make sure you like who they are.
Looks fade. It’s personality that really matters. You don’t have to agree on everything, but you should like who they are at their very core.
18. Look for someone you can have deep conversations with.
Forever is a long time to make small talk. Be with someone who challenges you. Who debates you. Who you can talk to about the deep stuff without feeling embarrassed or judged. That’s how you develop a real, true love.
19. Don’t be afraid to admit when you’re wrong.
I’m sorry. The two hardest words to say, yet they mean the most. Don’t let your pride and ego get in the way of having a healthy relationship. Admit when you’re wrong and make it right.
20. Believe in yourself.
Yes, your parents are divorced, but that doesn’t mean you’ll end up divorced as well. We’ve given you the tools to not repeat our mistakes. Believe in yourself and your ability to have a healthy relationship. And always remember that mama believes in you, too!
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