A letter to MY daughter’s mother:

Fast forward to July 2018, your birthday weekend. You begged her father to let her sleep over even though that wasn’t in the court order. Her father agreed as long as your mother was home to supervise with the stipulation that your boyfriend didn’t spend the night. You agreed and we dropped “your daughter” off for your birthday weekend. The next day, we picked her up and went on with our Sunday routine; grocery shopping, cleaning the apartment, getting a bath and then getting ready for bed. However, nothing about that bath that night was normal. “Your daughter” spilled the beans. She told us you had your boyfriend sleep over. The boyfriend you agreed wouldn’t spend the night because this was your time to spend bonding with your daughter. You not only let him sleep over you had him sleep in the bed with you and “your daughter”. I was so mad that we were so stupid for trusting you to do the right thing, to be a parent for once in your life. Yet, at the same time, had we not let you have her overnight we would’ve never tapped into the secrets you threatened her not to tell over the years. Thank god “your daughter” is smart and found a loophole. You told her to never tell her dad or any other family member, including yours, of the horrible things you and your past significant other did. And she didn’t, she kept it a secret for 5 years of her life. But this smart, brave 5 year old realized you never told her to not tell me and that, my dear, was the loophole. Once the flood gates opened,boy did they open. Car rides, ice cream dates, playground visits, etc. this little girl unloaded years of trauma to me day after day, almost never ending. All the red flags I had noticed over the past few months were all making sense; the things you put her through most adults haven’t even been through. This is when I decided to stop caring about stepping on your toes as a “mother” because honestly there weren’t even toes to step on.

Shortly after your birthday weekend mishap you failed a drug test and went to jail. You called from jail threatening her father because he wasn’t doing what you and your family wanted. We had let your family see “your daughter’, but just like you they couldn’t follow simple rules that were in the best interest of her. Fun fact, your mother is the one who told “your daughter” you were in jail; not me, not her father, but your own mother. We tried to protect your image but apparently your mother had other plans. Eventually you got moved from jail to a residential rehab facility. You called, and like always, her father answered. He even went and met you a few times to discuss visits and update you on “your daughter’s” life. He offered you your supervised visits once you got out of rehab but that wasn’t good enough for you. You refused to pay for supervised visits, stating you deserved to see “your daughter” on your asinine terms, including us bringing “your daughter” to the rehab facility to see you. Her father tried to explain to you that she was in therapy, that she suffered from PTSD, and as her parents you needed to do what was best for her and her alone. But that wasn’t the answer you or your family wanted. Go figure right? God forbid you put someone else before your own selfish needs. So, while still in rehab, you filed a petition with the court requesting 50-50 custody immediately. With nothing to stand on besides false claims against her father, you started a 2.5 year battle within the court system.