Bad Moms Unite
This movie hit the idea of being a mom right on the head. If you’ve seen it, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t seen it, you need to.
1. “We all work too damn hard trying to make our kids’ lives amazing and magical. Their lives already are amazing and magical.”
Yes. Yes. And more yes. Nobody works harder than a mom.
2. “Is that your mom bra? It looks like you have one really long boob.”
We all have that one bra. We’ve had it forever that we think makes our boobs look great, but in reality, it doesn’t.
We spend less money on ourselves than we do our child. Buying a new bra every now and then will do you justice.
3. “Hi guys. Maddie was up all night barfing on my hair, but it’s great. I’m very happy.”
We’ve all had those awful nights.
4. “I’m so tired of trying to be this perfect mom. I’m done.”
No matter what, with few exceptions, our kids will always think we’re perfect even when they say they hate us.
5. “Sometimes when I’m driving all by myself, I have this fantasy that I get into a car crash. Not a big one with fire and explosions, but just like a little one, but I do get injured and I get to go to the hospital for two weeks and I sleep all day and I eat Jell-O and I watch so much TV and it’s all covered by my insurance. My kids bring me balloons, and the nurses rub cream on my feet, and oh, my God, it’s so amazing.”
Because having someone wait on us hand and foot sounds amazing, even if the situation is less than ideal.
6. “I had my first kid when I was 20 and I have been late ever since.”
Maybe you didn’t have your kid this young, but you know that since you’ve had them it’s nearly impossible to always be on time.
7. “I’d rather go to Afghanistan than go to another kids’ baseball game.”
Sometimes kid’s sporting events are awfully long and spent without large amounts of wine. But you’re still their parent, and you still go. Maybe just put the wine in a sport bottle, and it’ll be just that much better.
8. “I’m sorry, okay. I’m trying”
We say this a lot. And it’s all we can say because it’s true.
9. “Quitting is for dads.”
A lot of moms don’t feel the support they need from dad. We’re the ones whose boobs get sucked dry, who has to shove a human out of their vagina, who get little to no sleep, who the baby cries for all night…the list goes on. They’re there for the easy and fun stuff, but that’s really it. Not all dads, but a lot of them.
There are bad moms out there, but there is a 99% chance that you aren’t her. You’re just having a bad day. We all have them.
So, go grab a bottle of wine and enjoy the rest of your night, and hope like hell tomorrow is a little easier.