I deeply wish my conscience was always in the
clear like yours seems to be.
There are questions I wish you had enough humanity in yourself to ask. What am I doing? What do I know about them? When was the last time I called to check in?
If, your memory seems to be hazy on those things, perhaps you should take a deeper look at what you are doing to be the best parent that you can be.
Did your parents treat you this way? If they did I’m so sorry, but we should always want to be better than our parents.
It seems that your mind seems to be free of worry. Meanwhile, my mind constantly swirls with it.
You might get to sit up at 2:00 AM playing video games. Or maybe you are going out? Perhaps you getting to watch something on TV that does not involve a cartoon character. Because l gladly sit up without all of those luxuries, keeping a fever down and loving our kids.
I’ve learned to love everything they are passionate about. My taste in music has changed to whatever they like now. Do you know what their favorite music is?
I bet you can sing every song lyric from one of your favorite bands though.
Because I like all their friends except for one. I tried reaching out to you with my worries but you simply had better things to do that day.
The funny part about all this is that when your friends need you (no matter what time t is,) you are always there for them.
You say thing’s like “They are like family to me.” But, what about the family you helped to create? I suppose water is thicker than blood to you.
BTW, they stopped asking about when you would visit again. But I’m still waiting for you to notice. So you are aware, being beyond disappointed and frustrated is an understatement to describe my feelings or theirs.
And in case you needed a reminder, their feelings are what matter the most.
I will always hope that I can keep them safe and protect them from your disappointing behavior. The heartbreak you caused will be the first they ever feel in their little lives.
But, don’t worry, I’ve got this covered. They will always know I have their back and their front. That’s what parents who pull double duty are capable of. For us. the impossible is always made possible.
Wrapped up in all the chaos of the cycle of disappointment and hurt is a silver lining to all of this. Their relationship with their broken parent won’t be what defines who they grow up to become in life.
I will always be there to make sure that they are better off, with or without you being active in their lives. Because, if, anything, your lack of love and lack of parenting abilities has been the best lesson of all for us.
You are the embodiment of everything that they won’t ever do to their children.
So thank you for being their most important lesson in life.