28 Skills Women Just Somehow Gain When They Become Moms

I know exactly who you are. And I know exactly what you want. I can tell you, I have a particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you do what I say that’ll be the end of it. 

Moms.

Some call it mother’s instinct or woman’s intuition. It’s a set of skills you are automatically handed when you have a child. And while some kids may think we’re coy and can get away with murder, all I have to say is Moms know…we always know everything:

1. How to get the stain out of your favorite shirt.
2. How drunk you really are when you come home.
3. What time you really got home when you tell a fib the next morning.
4. Where you left something.
5. Who your real friends are.
6. What the weather will be like tomorrow and how you should dress.
7. If you’re lying…
8. And if you are lying about lying.
9. If you forgot something, mom knows before you even pull out of the driveway.
10. What you’re thinking just by your facial expression.
11. If you’re upset about something…
12. And if you are trying to hide it.
13. If you like someone…
14. And are denying it.
15. What exactly is wrong with you when you’re sick…
16. And what’s best to make you feel better.
17. How to cook without looking at a cookbook.
18. Whether or not you will like a food before you even try it.
19. Things about your personal life only your best friend knows…
20. You would think a secret spy is working for her.
21. If you’re actually listening or not.
22. If you ignored her text and said you “didn’t get it.”
23. How to braid your hair perfectly.
24. If you’re up to something you shouldn’t be.
25. When you’re about to ask for something.
26. When you just need a hug…
27. Or an ear to listen…
28. Or just a glass of wine after a long day.

Thanks mom. We love you. We appreciate you. And now we have inherited your special set of skills when it comes to our kids.