Mommy Life Is A Rewarding Beautiful Mess

Yeah fucking right!

I love my children more than life itself but there are definitely some things I wish I could have back.

1. Going to the bathroom alone. I often do this now with my daughter on my lap begging to nurse…I know, yuck!

2. Keeping my nails manicured. A soon as I apply Polish someone is going to wake up and they’ll be

fucked anyway. Now, I only cut them to avoid getting shit under them when I change diapers.

3. Sleep. For fuck’s sake why don’t these kids sleep?! Where are they getting this energy from?!

4. TV marathons. Not the animated kind.

5. Having a full adult conversation. One that isn’t abbreviated by saying “Hold on honey, mommy is talking” a thousand times.

6. Relaxing meals.  Dinner is constantly punctuated  with “Chew with your mouth closed,” and “Don’t put that in your nose.” Don’t even get me started on being able to eat all of my own food,  “You have the same thing on your plate, eat it!”

7. Leaving the house on a whim. This is like fighting two greased pigs headed for slaughter.