The Day We Lost You

Mom passes away….

If I could turn back the clock, I would. And I know that is not the way life works. So every year, I will feel this way, I think. Wondering what we would be doing together instead of me missing you so much.

I know you would not want me sad. But I can’t stop thinking about my longing for your presence.

This day every year will be lousy and sad and I am trying to accept it. What should I do on this day instead to celebrate you? Do I have the strength to get that perspective?

I feel sick and heartbroken. I miss my mom.

The day is long and my feelings are washing over me.

I just wish you were here, Mom.

I want to smile and act like everything’s okay, but I can’t right now. Maybe another day, but today is not that day.

I try my best to focus on my life, my kids and my loved ones. Friends text me and family members hug me. They know I am lost in my own emotions. They just want to be there if I fall. And I love them for that.

So I look for butterflies and rainbows throughout my day, because I know you are letting me know how proud you are of me and that you are watching us all with everlasting joy. We get to live and you are watching. Life is so precious.

I will show you I am strong. And not let today bury me.

My life is mine to live and I know I would enjoy it so much more if you were next to me.

I miss you Mom. I will always hate this day, but I will show you how much I love you by living it fully for you, every year. Even in my own pain.