I am a normal girl, to which you might believe.
But your normal is not my normal, it’s something you cannot see.
I live in darkened places that hide within my mind, sometimes the voices tag along for no reason to this rhyme.
I shed my skin at home whenever I feel safe, the world is cold and dim but still, I wear a happy face.
You cannot see my trauma, my childhood is gone. The man that took my innocence is the one who caused me harm.
I know nothing but neglect, fear, and anxiety. It feeds into the soul I use to carry inside of me.
Doctors call it “borderline personality disorder,” they tell me, take these pills and you’ll be fine.
Unknowingly releasing further traumas from my body to my mind.
Violent shakes. Feel like electric breaks, it wakes me from my sleep. I’m on the edge of the surface, can you tell me what is real?
Move on foot in front of the other, “soon you’ll be as good as new!” But is that true?
Shush. Just listen, or they’ll put you away again. In that white padded room, straps tight around your waist again.
Getting help nowadays can be somewhat of a joke, you lie about being happy while inside on your tears you choke.
I won’t let this thing beat me, I know it can never win. Regardless of what they name it, I call it the beast from within.
Every hurt voice matters, every action unnoticed will always come to light. We must advocate for ourselves if we are going to win this fight.
I might not be your normal girl, but hey that’s okay. I’d rather be fixable than be one of the monsters any day.
About The Author
Vanessa D Clauson
Hello, my name is Vanessa. I am a military wife and a proud mother of two boys.
Since 2014 I have suffered from chronic illness. I battled and beat ovarian cancer. I also am a sexual assault survivor and my goal in life is to not only express my story and experiences to the world, but to those who might be to afraid to speak up or who may feel unheard.
