Mothers are supposed to love their daughters unconditionally. Society casts this idea that mothers and daughters are supposed to be best friends.
However for some women that isn’t the case. Some women have toxic mothers.
One thing that I’ve come to terms with and understood growing up, is just because she gave birth to you doesn’t make her your mother. It isn’t a right or a privilege that you get, despite what that person thinks.
She doesn’t get to use that as blackmail either.
The one thing that I know I roll my eyes at every time I hear it slip out of someone’s mouth is “but she’s still you’re mother so you have to love her and forgive her.”
First off no one has the right to tell you who you have to love and who you have to let be a part of your life. Secondly I am so proud of you if you had the courage to finally say enough is enough and walk away. Because it isn’t easy.
Being a mother isn’t just birthing you, clothing you, feeding you, or putting on a show so that the rest of the world thinks you’re doing a great job.
Maybe toxic mothers are oblivious to the pain they cause. And maybe a toxic mother lives in a delusional world where she’s done no wrong. Or perhaps there are just too many variables to even begin to understand. But that doesn’t make it right.
And it’s not an easy thing getting over. Mother’s Day comes around and you see everyone getting so excited about it and you’re torn between gagging and this gnawing feeling in your gut that you don’t get to enjoy that luxury.
I bet it’s taken years for you to come to grasp with it. And it’s potentially made you closed off from others. Because it has gotten in the way of relationships, friendships and daily activities at times. And when you see small traits of her in you, you get so discouraged that any part of her could be seen in you.
You’re not her.
Remember this, you are far from her. And you are a caring, intelligent, gentle, kind, and wonderful woman.
And you don’t have to forgive her. Because you don’t have to communicate with her, you don’t have to love her, and you don’t have to acknowledge her.
If you take one thing from this, don’t let anyone tell you any different. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are in the wrong for feeling the way that you do. Don’t let anyone tell you that it makes you a bad person for removing her from your life.
You don’t have to respect anyone who doesn’t show you the same kind of respect. And you don’t have to love someone who doesn’t love you back, especially a love that comes with conditions.
You have the right to stand up for yourself. And you have the right to remove anyone from your life that is toxic. You have to right to be happy. And you have the right to decide who your family is. You make the decisions that are best for you. Toxic mothers be damned.
See that word that keeps repeating, “You.”
You see, it isn’t about her, at least not anymore, because you’re stronger than that. You don’t need hers or societies approval to live a life that is best for you.
And for those who look at these girls and tell them to “be respectful of their “mothers” or “I’m sure she loves you” or my all-time favorite, “Don’t be ungrateful, she brought you into this world she is always your mother” please don’t.
These girls are not selfish, or naïve, and they are NOT being rash or disrespectful. These girls are traumatized and are doing what they know is best for themselves.
Because at the end of the day, only you have yourself to answer to. And I think you’ve turned into an amazing young woman without your mom.