Our son woke up screaming at 4am and screamed until 6am.
I changed his diaper, and I tried feeding him (multiple times), then I rocked him, and I played his favorite music and I gave him Tylenol for teething. Nothing worked. And I felt like I was backed into a corner with no way out.
I raised my voice and cursed. And I messaged my husband and said “I’m about to lose my shit”. I NEVER thought I would be that kind of mom, but my emotions got the best of me.
And I failed.
I was overwhelmed and exhausted.
And I should have just put our son down and went in a different room to scream and cry, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to FIX what was wrong, but with trying to fix it came me getting even more overwhelmed.
Husband And Support
When my husband got home that night, we discussed what happened. While I was talking to him, I had tears in my eyes. He told me “as parents we can’t always fix things” and he is right. As parents, we always want to fix things and have high expectations for ourselves, but we can’t always fix everything. Some things resolve themselves and sometimes it takes time.
Getting overwhelmed sucks. Anxiety sucks. Loneliness sucks. Hormones suck.
It wasn’t my husbands fault. And it wasn’t our sons fault. It was my fault.
Postpartum Rage And Depression
I have recently been researching Postpartum Rage – which is linked to Postpartum Depression. So I decided to make a Dr appointment to discuss the potential of having it and how to cope with it. And I don’t ever want something like this to happen again. I want to be the best mom I can be.
Someone reminded me that just because you had a bad day, doesn’t make you a bad mom and they are right.
Being a mom, comes with a lot of emotions. Being a stay at home mom and a married one at that, comes with not receiving a lot of outside help. Motherhood comes with high expectations. No matter how often a mom says “I got this”, we need help.
Yesterday I had a bad day, but I am not a bad mom.
Don’t ever be ashamed to get help or confide in others. You are not alone in this battle of motherhood.