Moms and Road Rage
Driving Me ….
The kids are screaming in the back seat, the dog is barking because the window isn’t open far enough for him to stick his head out of it, and something wet just spilled somewhere – all at 65 MPH. And to make matters worse, dick dick in the next lane just cut you off. Sorry, you’re not going to just take that and be fine with it.
People always tell you to calm down, but in your mind, your road rage is always justified:
You’ve broken your horn so many times that your mechanic is on speed-dial.
As soon as those drivers opposite to you have a yellow light, you’ve already begun accelerating.
You have a destination to reach…
No one is getting in the way of that.
You’ve been in or have almost been in scuffles with sh*tty drivers.
When people are only going 55mph in a 55mph zone…
You want to run their ass off the road.
You’re the no-nonsense type, especially when it comes to driving.
When people pass you on the highway, you’re genuinely offended… …And then you end up at the same red light.
Your most satanic self emerges when you’re stuck in traffic on your way to work.
When someone won’t let you into their lane, they officially become the biggest a**hole on the road…
…Besides you.
You’ve lost your voice over yelling at fellow drivers.
When there’s a car accident ahead of you…
You basically forget to sympathize for the victims, because you’re so busy being pissed off.
You firmly believe that the elderly should be stripped of their licenses.
Your friends and family are afraid to drive anywhere with you.
When people cut you off, you contemplate coming for their life.
You’re not afraid to drive fifteen miles over the speed limit…
Yeah, you live dangerously like that.
When you pass people, you feel a sense of superiority…
Then you get pulled over and ticketed.
You’ve been accused of “following too closely” by other drivers.
It’s not your fault that they can’t keep up with you.
When slow drivers cause you to miss a green light, you consider committing a hit and run.
Because they f*cked with the wrong driver today.
You’ve thought about strapping a light to the top of your car so people will get out of your way.
You weave in and out of traffic lanes like Frogger.
The phrase “ride or die” best describes your driving.
Because you rule the road…
So b*tches better recognize.
