Deconstructing The Single Mom
Being a single Mom is no easy feat. It isn’t something that anyone can understand who hasn’t been in that spot themselves. It takes being on double time, all the time. We aren’t always strong and we don’t always have our shit together. Often times we feel like we have failed and some times that feeling lasts all day long. However, we never give up and we try our best every single day. Some days, okay is all that we can be, and on those days we have to realize that okay is enough.
Single Moms Are Not Broken
Single Moms aren’t broken or desperate nor do we want anyone to feel sorry for us. However, there are a few things we rarely speak up about because if we do we are seen as attention seeking or wanting others to feel bad for us. One of those things is when a married or otherwise involved Mom says she is doing the “single Mom thing” while their husbands/child’s Dad are out of town.
We Are Single Moms Everyday
There is more to being a single Mom than only doing it on occasion. It is something we do every single day. Some single Moms don’t have the other parent to bounce ideas off nor do they have the other parent to help lighten the load. Some single Moms are that every single day without having the Dad involved at all.
Don’t Compare Us To A Married Mom Please
I am sure you can see where the frustration comes in when we hear married or involved Moms say they are doing the single Mom thing. Just in case you don’t though, let me explain a little more and hopefully you will understand a little better what it really means to be a single Mom.
It’s Just Us
We do not have husbands or the father of our child/children that will be coming home. Often times we don’t have anyone coming home to us. It is just us. We don’t get the comfort of our spouse/child’s Dad being here at all. We are 100% responsible for every single thing that occurs with our child.
They are struggling in school; it is up to us to figure out how to help them.
And they are having a hard time without their Dad being involved; it is up to us to try to soften the blow and find ways to comfort them through it.
They need medical care; it is up to us to make sure that is taken care of.
And they are involved in extracurricular activities; it is up to us to be on the sidelines being their biggest fan because we are all they have.
There isn’t enough money to cover extra school fees or those unexpected expenses; it is up to us to figure out how to make sure they get to play sports or figure out how to pay for those expenses.
Single Income Parents
Often we are single income parents and while some of us get child support, there are so many who don’t and if they do sometimes it is $1 a month. I am sure you could sit down and figure out what you and your significant other spend on your child each month and you will see just how hard it is for single Moms to raise a child without the added financial support. $1 doesn’t go very far, yet there are some Moms who make do with what they have because that is what they have to do.
Please understand there are differences between us.
Just because your significant other is out of town doesn’t make you a single Mom. It makes you a Mom who is taking care of her children while her significant other is out working to provide for you all.
And it is simply frustrating to hear Moms who have someone talk about how they are doing the single Mom thing. Because in all reality the single Mom thing is so much more than an occasional thing. It is an everyday occurrence for some of us without relief. So please stop comparing your little moments of taking care of your children alone to those of us who do it all the time.