Anniversary Blues, Ten Years Later

Ten years ago today, my life changed. I didn’t know it at the time, but looking back I can pin point the exact moment that changed my world forever.

Ten years ago, was the beginning of the new chapter of my life. Completely unexpected to say the least, but one I wouldn’t change for anything.

So much has happened in the past ten years. I have loved you and hated you. You have been my best friend and worst enemy. You have made me laugh and caused my tears. (I try to think there were more laughs than tears though).

But every part of it made me the woman and mother I am today. Every part of it has brought me here, to this moment, to this life that I love.

If that fateful night didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have these kids, this house, or even this job. I am so grateful for every experience we shared.

I want to tell you this. I love you. Not in some creepy, “stalker” crazy baby mama way that means I have spent the past few years pining for you and I’m not over you yet.

No, this love is more simple. It is pure.

I love you because you gave me the two best things in my life. They are half of you, and I love them wholly. When they act just like you, I don’t resent it. In fact I laugh so hard, and I thank God that they have your sense of humor.

I love you, because you love my children. And I know, I spend a lot of time pointing out the bad, but what it comes down to is your kids love you so much. And you love them.

I love that they are happy to go to your house. I love that they are sad to leave. I love that they will randomly ask me to call you to see if you want to play.

Even when I hated you, I have loved watching you grow into a wonderful father.

The woman that I am now, is in a great part, because of you. I am full. My heart is full, my hands are full, my house is beyond full, even my wallet is full from time to time. My life is full.

I have made peace with my past and look forward to my future. Every single day I wake up feeling blessed. Blessed to have two children to take care of, blessed to have people to clean up after, blessed to have a job that I love. Blessed to have friends who love me without condition.

I love my life, and to say I didn’t owe it to you, would be a lie.

I believe that happy healthy parents make happy healthy kids. I am at my happiest and my healthiest. And I wish the same for you. If you’re not, I hope you don’t give up until you have it. Because you deserve happy and healthy.

Even when we don’t get along, I wish this for you.

I’m not trying to pretend that we have the perfect co-parenting relationship, but I think we have come a long way. Please remember this, even when we are arguing. In my eyes, you are the father of my children first, my friend second and my stupid ex boyfriend last.

We have amazing kids, and that is because of both of us. Ten years ago, my life changed, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. So happy ten years, and here’s to ten more years of parenting together. (Just not being together).