How to Overcome Your Parenting Challenges and Become a Better Parent

It might sound strange, but our brains change when we become parents. A 2014 study showed that parenting actions are triggered through neurons in the hypothalamus and controlled by galanin neuropeptides. These are responsible for functions such as sleep-wake cycles, responding to harm, mood, and understanding. That’s why we instinctively develop some parental behaviors. 

However, there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Caring for children, raising them to become good people, and protecting them from harm is challenging. You will be exhausted. You’ll get annoyed. You’ll think that you have reached a problem you can’t solve. However, you can face those challenges, overcome them, and become a better parent. Here are some key points to keep in mind on your parenting journey. 

Don’t Discipline through Aggression

“Traditional” discipline meant spanking children when they did something wrong. Fortunately, we are way past that now. 

According to the American Psychological Association, several studies revealed that physical punishment leaves lasting harm on children. The research concludes that some of the negative effects include antisocial behavior, increased aggression, and mental health problems. Besides, experts also find that physical punishment is not effective. It can stop a certain problematic behavior immediately because the child is simply afraid to continue, but long-term, it only brings harm. 

Effective discipline techniques include positive reinforcement, communication, and building trust.

Cope with Tantrums and Mood Swings

Temper tantrums can be very frustrating for parents. A toddler screaming, hitting, kicking, and holding their breath, especially in a public space, looks overly dramatic, but it’s how they normally cope with hunger, tiredness, and discomfort. 

For the exhausted parent, the most important thing is to try to respond to tantrums calmly. Provide comfort or distract your child with a new activity. If that doesn’t work, ignoring them can be effective. You can attempt to prevent tantrums or at least reduce their frequency by:

Older kids (especially teenagers) might have frequent mood swings. Dealing with a mopey and irritable teen is especially challenging, but the key is to always show empathy and understanding. Let them know they can turn to you if they have some serious problems.

Help Your Child Deal with Stress

Children encounter stressors at school, at home, and in their social interactions, regardless of their age. All kinds of tensions can trouble them, often caused by specific situations such as exam periods, family discord, a quarrel with a friend, etc. Since school is the most common stressor, it’s important to know how to relieve exam stress on kids by supporting them, communicating with them, and being proactive. To help your child deal with any other stressors they may face, always try to get to the root cause, model healthy coping, give them some independence in solving their problems, and combat negative thinking.

Parent the Children You Have

Parents often have delusions about their kids. They know what they imagined parenting would look like and how their children would behave and grow up. However, children are individuals with very different needs and characteristics. They may not be the “spitting image of you.” They may not like the same things you like. They may not want the future you’ve imagined for them. Maybe that’s not something you believe you’ve signed up for, but that is life. 

Sure, it’s difficult, but you need to let go of some expectations. Truly accepting your child’s personality and wishes is the best thing you can do for yourself and them. That’s how you will also help them accept themselves and be happier with their decisions.

Protect but Don’t Overprotect

The natural parenting instinct is to protect our kids from everything – including the consequences of their own decisions. 

Of course, you’ll always protect your child from serious physical harm and forbid them from jumping off the roof to see if they can fly. But if they’ve made a mistake while trying to solve a puzzle and struggling with it – let them. People learn by trial and error. And finding out the consequences of their actions leads to accepting their responsibilities. 

This may cause disappointment and even pain, but trusting your child enough to let go is the most important gift a parent can give.

Facing “the Look”

Some children may act out in public, have tantrums, or simply be obnoxious in front of others. Then the people around you will give you “the look.” It’s the look that says you should be ashamed, that you are a bad parent, and that you don’t know how to handle your children. 

It’s a part of human nature to judge others easily when you haven’t walked in their shoes. It’s also normal for parents to sometimes feel embarrassed by their children’s behavior. But try not to be bothered by other people’s negative thoughts or even to pay any attention to them.

You can have a soothing strategy to help you cope. Take deep breaths and think about everything you are doing well for your children. Try diffusing a situation with an anecdote or a joke. When you get home, talk to your kids about their behavior. Tell them how that is affecting you and them, and try to find a positive alternative.

Put Yourself First

How, you may ask, when in the very fabric of parenting lies the idea of putting your children in front of your needs and desires?

Well, just think about how prioritizing your mental and physical health can actually benefit your kids. If you are not feeling well, you can’t care for your children properly. 

So, make sure to get regular medical check-ups. Get enough sleep. Ask for your partner’s support, as well as help from your family or friends, so you can have some time for yourself (for a fun activity, hobby, or simply binge-watching a TV show). If you are feeling overwhelmed, talk to a therapist. Open up about your feelings and fears, and accept that, unfortunately, you don’t have superpowers – really, no parent does.