Sometimes I wonder how we got here. How did our days become consumed so much with what we have to do for other people that we don’t have time for ourselves or our marriage?
I never imagined that we would have these (amazing) kids at this point in our lives, and taking care of a house and helping my family… Not counting anything that produces an income that must be done to feed all of these people. It’s a lot. And you know what? We weren’t prepared.
WE WERE NOT PREPARED
When we were dating, we talked about the future and imagined our lives together like most couples do. I don’t know how you felt about it, but for me it was fairytale like. I absolutely fell in love with you at first sight and you completely swept me off of my feet in the weeks to come. I imagined this perfect life with this perfect marriage and these perfect kids. I think most people do.
But the reality is that life is messy. Very messy. It can throw a curve ball at you and just when you duck to miss it, kick you while you’re down.
That’s what happened to us. Over and over.
College and jobs. Deaths in the family and strained relationships. Pregnancies and health problems… the list goes on and on.
And at the center of that list for the past five years are those beautiful kids that we have always put first because they are our world…
So, yes we are feeling distant. Somewhere in between the I do, the all-nighters with fussy babies, and this moment right now – we lost each other because our marriage took a backseat to our kids. You took a backseat.
I’m sure you’ve thought about it plenty of times and maybe even resent me a little because of it. But I hope you see that in all my efforts to be the best student, mom, granddaughter, and business woman – I thought I was being the best wife too. Because all of these things contribute directly to our daily life.
Most importantly, I just wanted to be the most amazing mother to the beautiful kids we created.
I still do and will strive to be that person for the rest of my days.
And that’s why this realization is so important.
WE MUST REMAIN A HEALTHY BOND
From now on, I will remember that the health of our relationship impacts our kids. Whether we are fighting or just co-existing with no real quality time, it hurts us and it hurts them. We easily get burnt out and feel that our needs aren’t being met. We are lonely, angry, sad… any emotion but happy and fulfilled.
From now on, we will take the wheel together instead of sitting in separate seats looking in different directions just trying to get by, deal?