Listen up, ladies, we know being a young mom involves so much work and not enough time to sleep. So when the weekend comes around, all you want to do is stay in and watch TV on the couch. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. You’ve skipped over those endless years slaving away in an office and went straight to retirement. You know, the good life.
1. Bedtime is 8 pm.
You’re not going to sleep, but you’re definitely curled up in bed with your laptop or a book. The day is so long and exhausting, so there’s nothing more appealing than getting back into bed.
2. You live for comfort foods.
Cooking is one of your talents. Or maybe you’re just really good at heating up pre-packaged mac-n-cheese boxes. Either way, you don’t care about working out and being healthy. You want to curl up with a bowl of cheesy goodness.
3. A wild Friday night consists of trying a new baking recipe and watching your stories.
You’re a pro at making chocolate chip cookies. So by the end of a tiring week, the most exciting plan you have is to bake and watch a movie at home.
4. You fall asleep on your reclining chair in a robe and slippers.
There’s no greater feeling than getting really comfy in a mushy chair, turning on some mind-numbing TV, and falling asleep with your mouth half open in the late hours of the night.
5. Your hair is always in a bun.
Whether your hair is short or long, it’s just too much to deal with. You’re too lazy to do anything with it, so throwing it into a granny bun is the best option.
6. Screw contacts, you’re wearing glasses.
Maybe you wear your contacts during the day, but the second you get home, they’re the first things you take out. And on the weekends? Forget it. Glasses are easier and require less maintenance. So by default, you live in your glasses.
7. Even if you’re disguised during the workday, by night you’re back in your grandma uniform of old pj’s.
They’re probably stained, tattered, and faded, but you don’t care. Old pj’s are your ultimate luxury.
8. You hate dealing with technology.
There are way too many remotes for the TV. So you give up and decide to watch Netflix instead.
9. You eat breakfast food for dinner.
At the end of the day, you want something delicious and easy. So a few bowls of oatmeal or cereal will suffice for your dinner. Unless you’re having guests over, in that case you cook a four-course meal.
10. When your relatives or friends try to get you to come out, you tell them to go have fun. Because you’re staying in.
You’d much rather be a couch potato along with hubby and/or kid. You can watch junk TV with a cup of sleepy-time tea.
Plus, going out will mess up your sleep schedule. So you wish them well as you fluff your pillows and sip your sugary chamomile.
11. You have a cat or a lapdog that you obsess over.
Your poor pet probably has a million and one embarrassingly unfortunate names. But that thing is spoiled rotten. You treat your pet better than how you treat other humans.
Prince fluffy pants is your little sidekick, and he’s typically found napping on your lap.
12. You talk about life as if you’ve already lived through it.
Sometimes you catch yourself saying “Back in the good old days,” when you refer to Kindergarten, when nap time was a thing. Offices should have nap times. Everyone has that 2pm feeling, so why not make it a thing? You could literally nap all day if it were allowed.
13. Baking is your national pastime.
You can whip up anything like a pro. Cakes, cookies, brownies, tiramisu, you’ve got it all on lock. Your roommates get free breakfast muffins, and your apartment always smells amazing.
14. You really don’t want to do anything on the weekend that requires effort.
If you’ve got errands to run, you ask a friend for a favor. You’ll only do errands if you can finish them in the comfort of your own bed, in pajamas. The weekends are for sleeping, eating, and staying on the couch. You’ll let someone younger with more energy do the hard stuff.
15. You’re always a little chilly.
No matter what you do, or what time of year it is, you’re always cold. You need to bring a sweater everywhere, and you insist that everyone else does the same. Electric blankets are your best friend.
16. You’re perfectly content with your life without going out and going crazy.
There’s no need to party or be social. If you want to have human interaction, people come to you. You’re too old to deal with the nonsense of late night drunkenness and partying. You and your cat are happy to stay in and sleep.
