I could have been a better role model, I could’ve loved them more, I could have been more nurturing. i could have been a better supporter. I could of tried harder instead of giving up at some moments. Did I do a good enough job being your mom? I know I could of done better, and for that, I am so sorry.
These are the things that go through my mind. I know I did all I could and still do. But we can always do better, at everything. Isn’t that what we teach our kids. Always make yourself better! I’m struggling at this. Trying to make myself better. I know the girls feel better leaving, because I am not alone. He will always be here. He’s my soulmate, if time persisted and we could still have the children we have, I wish I met him a lifetime ago. But this is also, the end of a life, the three of us only know.
The Next Chapter
This chapter of our lives is coming to an end, a new exciting chapter waiting to unfold and be written. I do not know what to expect in this next chapter. This is where we all get to write our own stories. The girls will begin to write their own chapters, as will I.
The next year, is going to be a challenging one. One of finding out what I am truly capable of. Finding out who I am, as a person. I hope I m strong enough. I hope I can find a way to wake up every morning, even though I know I don’t have to get any one up for school, knowing there is no breakfast or lunches to make, knowing there is no one to make dinner for but myself ( and him of course ).
The Anxiety
The anxieties are real, they are here. But having anxiety over knowing you raised two remarkable, respectable, loving, beautiful daughters, getting ready to make their way into the world. It’s not a bad anxiety to have. Is it?
