The dream of making sure they never go without, or if they do, they don’t know it. The dream, that they never feel alone and that they feel and know they are loved and wanted, every single day of their lives. The dream that they grow up happy without a care. The dream that they have a childhood, a real childhood. The dream that they are respectable & honorable teenagers. The dream that they gooff to college,graduate and live amazing, fulfilling lives.TThat dream, is all becoming a reality. I have fulfilled most of my dreams. Within a few short months, I will have twofull time college students, and no kids at home.
I said it. Two children away at school, and no kids at home. No kids at home. No kids at home.
The Truth
I have to be honest here. I had a very hard time the first year, my oldest went off to school. Never mind, the school is in the same state as we live. It was such an exciting, sad and terrifying time, buying everything for her dorm, packing things up in her room, taking things off the walls. Washing and packing clothes. Then moving in day. Still an exciting, yet terrifying and extremely sad, proud moment. We moved her in, had lunch, cried and cried and cried and cried when we had to say so long.
Then seeing my daughters cry and cry and cry, because it was the first time they would ever be apart this long. I cried all the way home, that was the longest hour of my life. I dreaded walking in that door. At this point in my life, I finally met the man of my dreams after being single for about 16 years. I kept all relationships out of my home until I knew it was the right one. We moved in together and for the first time in 13 or more years, there was a man in the house. Thankfully, I had him. I feel bad for him. ( lol ) At this point though, I didn’t even care or realize that he was right there next to me. I was in my own sad little world. Pulling in the driveway, walking into that house, I felt the emptiness already.
Something was already missing.
I walked to her room, for the first time in 17 years, her bed was made and her room was cleaned, without me asking for it to be done. I cried, no I’d be lying if I said that, I ugly cried. I walked around the room, touching everything, I sat on her bed and grabbed a pillow, fell back and cried into it. How is this happy moment so unbelievably sad? Why do I feel like my heart has been torn out? I know she still needs me, for money, food, rides and the occasional laundry load that will come home. I’ll talk to her all the time. I cried, because I knew it was the beginning of the end. The end of childhood.
