You Cheated, Now Its Time to Clean up Your Mess

After that, you owe your partner two things: absolute transparency and patience. 

(Normally “you owe them” would not be in my relationship advice vocabulary because relationships are not about debts, but in this case, you really do.)

This isn’t to say you have to put up with any abusive behavior from them. If things devolve into nonstop verbal abuse, you have just as much right to walk away as they do.

But you need to answer every question they ask. 

Whether you want to or not. Whether you think they need to know or not. Whether you think it will make the situation worse or not. 

Don’t lie to save “us” because “us” isn’t worth saving if you have to lie to save it.

Be patient. 

When they ask you the same questions over and over again or try to trap you into a confession, you owe it to them to recognize the pain you caused and bear with them.

Sure, you’re going to get mad. You’re going to fight, yell, and probably throw things, just like they will. 

Your partner will not be infallible in the fighting that will ensue, but you owe them those two things.

It may take years to fix this. That’s a long time and it feels longer when you’re in the thick of it, so you’d better be prepared to put in the work.

If you really want to stick around, you must be dedicated.