Up until this past summer, my sons believed racism was something that ended with Martin Luther King Jr.
I think many white children are led to believe that.
However, there was a situation over the summer that changed my ten year old’s thinking forever.
Him and his friends were at the pool. Some kid came over and told my son’s black friend that he is going to be a thug when he grows up. Thankfully, my son stood up to this kid and simply replied, “No, he is going to be a baseball player.” And for the moment the situation was handled.
After we got home, he asked me why someone would call his smart, kind, funny, athletic friend a thug? How could someone assume that when they didn’t even know him? Doesn’t thug mean criminal? He is ten years old, how do they know he is going to grow up to be a criminal?
I had him sit down next to me on the couch. I told him that it was because our friend is black. That is why people will assume such untrue things about him…about a ten year old boy.
It took him awhile to grasp what I was saying.
I furthered explained to him, that our friend is smart, kind, funny and athletic. But some people will only look at the color of his skin and think he is a bad person, without taking the time to get to know him. Without ever realizing how amazing he really is.
I saw light leave my son’s eyes that day. He crawled on to my lap like he was a toddler and cried a little. I sheltered him for ten years, but that day he learned that his world is darker and colder than he had originally thought. While I was consoling my baby, I wondered about our friend and his mom.
Were they having a similar yet completely different conversation at their house? Has he put it together yet, that people will judge him over something he has no control over? Is this first time something like this has happened to him? It certainly won’t be the last.
I realized that there are conversations I will never have with my white sons.
Because I will never have to tell them to fear the police.
I will never have to tell them to keep their hands visible at all times when they get pulled over.
And I will never have to tell them to do and say whatever they need to. Just get home alive.
I will never have to worry about them playing at the park with a toy gun and getting shot within two seconds after the police arrive. And I will never hear the excuse “he looked bigger than twelve.”
Because I will never have to tell them to keep their keys out when walking in a dark parking lot alone.
And I will never have to tell them to never leave their drinks unattended.
I will never have to tell them to be careful of what they wear, because it could bring unwanted attention.
SO I will never have to worry about them being raped at a college party and then hearing about how much they had to drink.
Because my kids were born white and male, there are many things that I will never worry about.
And it makes me sick.
No parent should have to worry about these things. All parents should be as lucky as me regardless of the race or gender of their children.
I won’t be silent about it. I will teach my children to use their voices. To stand up for those that people try to silence. And maybe one day, no parent will have to have these conversations.