There’s No Such Thing As Being The Perfect Parent

9. I will continue to travel, my child will be cultured. 

I wanted my child to eat Brie cheese and gaze upon the Andes. It took one trip to the grocery to store to realize that it would be some months before my child saw the outskirts of our town, let alone another country.

When Heather had her first child, I took it really personally that she never trekked her way over to the other side of the state to visit. Traveling with small children is a nightmare for a few reasons: 1) Despite popular belief, the car is not some magic sleep machine.

My kid mostly screams in her car seat. Now imagine strapping a toddler down for a 3 hour road trip. 2) Children require a lot of things (special cups, special snacks, special creams for their butt), you have to bring all of that. 3) Something about the angle in which they sit in a carseat makes poo explode out of their diaper. Physics is cool.