As I looked out the window at the falling rain, I wondered if the pain of losing my mom would ever heal itself or if I’d at least learn to cope with her death.
The truth is, I don’t think I’ll ever heal or learn to cope. Why? Because a loss of a mother puts an enormous pressure on your shoulders.
A mom is so much more than just the person who raised you.
She was my best friend, my rock, my support system. She never judged me. She was there for me when everyone else turned away.
The bond between a mother and daughter is special; there’s nothing else like it.
Like the old saying says, “Your mother is your first best friend.”
What happens when your best friend is gone?
Days disappear into a haze. Months and years pass, but everything feels mushed together into one endless day. I barely know the difference between day and night anymore.
People tell me to keep my memories of my mom close to my heart. Believe me, I do. But you know what? Sometimes they’re not enough.
Memories can’t hug or kiss me when I long for my mom’s touch. Memories can’t talk me out of an anxiety attack like my mom could. Memories can’t fix everything.
I’m sorry, but they just can’t.
Yes, I cherish my memories of my mom; I always will. But I will also always long for her presence in my life.
I have come to the conclusion that it’s okay to long for her touch. It’s normal to miss hugs and kisses from someone who isn’t in your life anymore.
I’m never going to get over missing my mother. I would never want to because it’s natural to miss someone who played a huge part in me becoming who I am today.
My grief isn’t making me weak, it’s helping me grow into a stronger woman, one that my daughter can look up to.
I may still be depressed about the loss of my mother, but that’s okay – there’s no shame in grieving for someone who meant the world to me.