I love writing. I used to always want to write a book about my life story and (the hell of a shitstorm) that I lived through. My ex husband was a narcissist. And I went to a man I had known since I was an intern at age 19. This all happened in the midst of my divorce. With whom I had three boys with (all 17 months apart).
During that time, my financial advisor was robbing me blind and forging my name left and right. All to support a lifestyle he couldn’t afford at a country club. Rather than seeking help, he twisted things and saved his own image by using me as the scapegoat. Then, there was a smear campaign. Eventually, I won primary physical custody of the three boys and off I went to follow a dream I’d had since age 19.
I got engaged to that person only to find out I wasn’t worth a marriage because my income put his in a higher tax bracket. And he was a closet millionaire, that I never knew about. I ended up getting pregnant and had a baby girl. I found myself in the most toxic relationship I had ever imagined possible. And with a man 11 years older than me. He left me in the hospital when Sarah was born 8 weeks early due to, as he would call it, “having a beat up uterus from having my three sons with my ex husband”. Ahhh the way he used to choose his words or lack thereof.
After Sarah was born in September 2015 I knew I couldn’t stay in this relationship. But I didn’t want to give up. I ended up getting pregnant when Sarah was four months old to then find out it was a blighted ovum and I had to have a d and c. Don the closet millionaire and most emotionally abusive person ever.
I know most people don’t believe in emotional abuse, but let me tell you it’s real and it’s awful! When they took me in for my procedure, I started miscarrying 20 minutes before surgery. And it was awful, was brutally painful, and he sat on his phone the entire time. And me? I almost bled out.
Procedures And Painful Relationships
They took me back to have the procedure and he didn’t even say bye to me or show any emotion at all. After surgery I was very upset and we went home and he was angry that I was being “dramatic”-! I was crying so he up and left me alone. He stormed out and went to work. He never checked on me. Not once. He could not understand why I was dwelling on a pregnancy when there was not a heartbeat.
Six weeks later, I was pregnant again. So six pregnancies in seven years.
Well, Don and I went to the ultrasound and the doctor looked like she saw a ghost. She said she would be right back and I could hear the heartbeat. Well a team of doctors came in as I am lying there with my legs in stir ups shaking.
The doctors saw something called a c section scar pregnancy but never had they seen one that actually had a live fetus. They told me that if I were to carry this child, my uterus would rupture and I would likely die. They couldn’t go in and remove it because I would bleed out due to all the trauma my uterus had seen. They said I should not have any more children and they went and discussed what to do.
It was decided I would undergo methotrexate injections which is a form of chemotherapy to shrink the fetus and basically kill it, bringing the HCG levels under 10. They had no idea how long this would take or if it would work. Dons only reply was “when can we try again”? Ummm hello, did he not just hear that I could die and that I would be undergoing chemo!!!
So I went to weekly chemo treatments and Don came to one of them with me. ONE.. and he sat on his phone the whole time while nurses cried with me. He then would punish me by working til 9 that night since it cost him work time to attend my chemo. So I was stuck solo once again with another man who figured, hey, she can do it all with four kids. No sweat. All while starting a career as a software engineer at Johns Hopkins.
Gaining My Strength And Moving On
Once chemo was complete I stopped engaging with Don. And I continued seeing my therapist of three years regularly. I saw that this relationship was costing me my health and my friends since I was never allowed to do anything. In the following six months before I left, I’d had four endoscopies one colonoscopy. And two rounds of shingles. Then hernia surgery. And all while I was working full time and trying to gain the courage to leave. My ex husband began dating someone I went to high school with who was two years younger than me. I bought a house and I left.
Don wasn’t on Sarahs birth certificate because in Maryland if you are still married when the baby is born the baby is deemed the child of the husband at the time. Unless proven otherwise, which my divorce took years to complete. This was due to the financial shit storm my ex put me through. So I left and I was happy. And since September 15 2017, I have never felt healthier.
I still go to therapy and I had not one but both exes file for custody against me. And both have tried to use my therapy and my ADHD (since I was 11 ) against me claiming I was an unfit mother. Don once accused me of kidnapping Sarah. He went over eight months with no contact. And then hired a gaggle of lawyers to bully me. He spent over three hundred thousand dollars on legal fees for custody of a child all because he couldn’t handle the fact that I finally did it…I finally left. And my kids (all four) deserve to grow up together.