Parenting is Hard, Co Parenting Harder!
Let’s face it, you did not marry someone you were planning to divorce. Nor did you have children with them thinking that co parenting was in your future. But the heart is fickle and love can be cruel at times, so here you are. Your kids need you both and you both needed to end your relationship. So where do you begin?
Your feelings are real and understandable. They just aren’t the priority right now.
Long story short, your feelings created the breakup and that is as far as they really go when it comes to the kids. While, in time, you will grieve and mourn the good times with you ex, now is not the time. Now, it’s all about your kids needs.
What Co Parenting IS and what it ISN’T.
Co-parenting is a pragmatic approach to raising children. Let’s be clear, it’s not romantic. And you are no longer in a partnership with your ex. Neither one of you are allowed to act childish, hate each other or act like you care for each other. The truth is, you are only together for the greater good of your children. That is your connection, your bond. And that is where your focus is. And that is the boundary. So set it with each other and call each other out, when lines get blurred.
Let’s clarify some points to make it easier to process.
Children Will Behave Differently, If You Let Them
You child is the innocent bystander in your relationship. They did not sign up for any of this. What will make them happier is when both parents stay involved. Children will power up and challenge you separately, just be prepared for this. The more you two get along, the less power your kids will have to create rifts, for kids sake. Find a co parenting rhythm. Maybe its texting your ex with updates. Or face timing during the day to catch a breath so the kids interact with both parents on the daily.
You Set The Example
Eventually your feelings will calm down and it will get easier. As the kids see the conflicts get resolved between you two they will learn how to resolve conflicts of their own.
You will as a co-parenting team establish trust with your kids. Just stay consistent and keep each other updated. No kid should have to take parental sides. By working together, you will raise your kids with healthy mindsets and that the best thing that you can do for them.
You have to realize that they are not pawns to use against the other parent.
Let’s be clear here, no one owns these children. They are living souls with their own minds. You both are responsible for rearing them to healthy adults. And by choosing to separate, and choosing for yourself to love again, you are showing your kids not to stay in toxic relationships that are not healthy for them.
So avoid using your kids as ammunition against one another. Play nicely in the playground. Just as you ask of your kids, as parents, and co parents do.