I’ll Never Be the Perfect Mom, but I Hope You Always Remember That I Tried

When you came into this world, you brightened up my life like never before. I started to experience a love that was so beautiful, so pure.

You make me want to be a better person; sometimes I feel like I don’t even deserve to have something so amazing.

I get tired. Sometimes I don’t have to energy to chase you around or play hide and seek for two hours. Sometimes I just want to be lazy.

And I get frustrated. I can get overwhelmed. And let my emotions get the best of me. I yell, and maybe a little too loud.

I get stressed. And I have so many responsibilities; between bills, parenting, working, and everything else, the stress sometimes gets to be too much. 

And I try not to let you see that, but I know you can.

I get sad. I never ever want you to see me cry, but sometimes I can’t control it.

And for all of this, I am so sorry.

God, I just want to be perfect for you.

And every single time I fall short and the end of the day comes, I just watch you sleeping so peacefully, so beautifully, and the guilt hits like a jab to the stomach.

How could I not practice just one more minute of patience with you? And how could I not just suck up the exhaustion and play one more round of ring around the rosy? 

How could I not be strong enough so that you never see any bad side of me?

You deserve a mother who is always happy, always energetic, always ready to play and help you learn and have fun.

I want to be the mother you grow up to tell your friends about. The mother you grow up to be proud to have.

I’m sorry that I fall short. But every single day, I wake up and try to do better.

I hope that’s what you remember. And I hope you remember my efforts, even on the cloudiest of days. So I hope you remember the genuine love I try to remind you of every single day. 

I hope you remember the songs we sang. And I hope you remember the times I tickled you until you couldn’t take it or read the same book to you 952 times. 

I hope you remember the brave face that I tried to put on during the times that I didn’t crack. 

I hope you remember the nights I chased the monsters out of the closet and rubbed your head. Until you finally fell back to sleep.

I hope you remember the times I held you while you cried. And tried my hardest to make you smile. 

I really hope you remember all the doubts, fears, and insecurities I chased away from your beautiful little mind. 

I hope you remember that even when I was falling apart, I wanted so bad for you to be happy. Even if I wasn’t always the best at making sure of that.

And even though I couldn’t be perfect for you like I wanted, I hope you will always know that mommy tried. 

And no matter how much time passes or how big you get, I will never stop.