From the moment that I met you, I felt like we just clicked. I was shy and my life was chaos, but you were warm and welcoming without getting too close, too quick. I know it was hard for you to watch your baby boy fall in love and spend more time away since it had been the two of you for so long.
I know that in the past 6.5 years that we have known each other, it hasn’t always been lovely. 2014 was a rough year for us for many reasons, but you know the biggest. I just wanted you to know a few things about that year. About all the years, really.
I Have Never Stopped Loving You.
I know there are times when you doubted that and I’m sorry. For you to even have the thought means that I failed in showing how much I truly appreciate you and how much I love you. You helped me when I had no one else and became the mother in my life since I lost my years ago. You were my advice giver, my best girlfriend…. all of the things that typically don’t happen between daughter- and mother-in-laws. I felt blessed to call you mine.
I Never Wanted to Take Your Son Away.
I know it feels like I just came into your life and shook it all up. One moment, you were best friends with your son and the next he stopped turning to you. You don’t have to believe this, but it’s the truth. I always encouraged him to have a relationship with you and we spent many of our dating weekends at your house. I enjoyed it and he did too for the most part.
You see, somewhere along the way, after meeting me…. He lost his way. He forgot the important things in life and those that love him and focused inward on himself. When he reads this, he won’t like it, but he knows that it’s true. He struggles with all the things that have happened between you and him along the years, like all children do… and once that distance is built, it’s hard to get back. I still pray everyday that he finds his way home to you and remembers the good times that far outweigh the bad.
It Hasn’t Been Easy.
I know it’s been a rough couple of years. For us all…. There has been so much devastation and many changes that just made it hard to continue. Instead of working together to get through them, I think we all kind of withdrew and tried to deal. We forgot that working together and loving each other is the best way to get through life and got lost in the chaos instead. I know that I did and for that I’m truly sorry.
I’ve Never Tried to Intentionally Hurt You.
I know this one is the hardest to swallow and you are least likely to believe it. I hope that you are reading this with an open heart and really hear what I’m saying. Nothing I have ever done was to hurt you. You may think back on two Christmases ago. Or Feburary of 2014…. I thought I was making the right decisions with my husband. Things were so messed up.
It Wasn’t My Idea to Move.
I’m not sure if we ever told you this, but I didn’t make the decision to move away. He did. He suggested it and we discussed it. We didn’t do it to leave you or to tear the babies away. We felt a calling that is inexplicable. And I know that everyday is hard being this far apart, but I hope that you can see that we didn’t do this to run away, we didn’t do this to separate you… We did it because we felt it was the right decision, the best decision, and God’s will. I still believe that and am constantly working to improve things so we can see each other more.
So when you read this, I hope you will see my heart just as you did years ago. I was never faking it and I miss you. I know that you aren’t perfect and you sometimes make bad choices. We all do! I’m still going to be here, loving you through the struggles and hoping that you’ll do the same.
You Are Cherished.
Anyway, this letter started off different in my head, but I just let my heart speak through my fingers. Know that I love you. You are cherished. And I’m so thankful for you. Even though we are 6 hours away now, we don’t have to have the distance that we’ve had. Call me. Skype me. Message me. We miss you and we don’t talk nearly enough! I just get caught up in the gazillion things to do that the days get away and before you know it, a whole year is gone…..
Looking forward to seeing you again!