It’s been months and I can’t move on. I’ve tried. One week I’ll be doing really good but then I always find myself falling back. It’s a consistent cycle.
People say time and time again not to apologize. It shows weakness and is self-deprecating. But I am sorry. To you, to myself, to my heart.
I'm sorry for the nonchalant social media posts that you probably don't realize are about you – the ones I don’t even realize are about you until I’ve posted them. My mind going on autopilot - admittedly just trying to get your attention.
I'm sorry you are the one on the other end of my drunken texts and snapchats. Even though you still somehow take each of them in stride.
I'm sorry that I talk about you still and overanalyze every moment and text together since it ended.
I'm sorry that I'm not 100% sure how to be your friend even though your type of presence is one I crave. You’ve got a kind heart and magnetic energy.You are real in a world being taken over by fake.
I'm sorry for not understanding how you could walk away even though our stories have so many similarities. I’m still baffled by some of it.
I'm sorry for not holding back more when you made me so at ease that my wall crumbled at your feet. I know I can be the queen of TMI. Trust me I know.
I'm sorry that I couldn't be the person you never want to let go. But then again, I don’t think you even know what type of girl that is.
I'm sorry that our timing was the absolute worst possible. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t wonder what would have happened if we had met at a different time. Way beyond your last heartbreak.
I'm sorry that I didn't meet you later in life.
I'm sorry for not moving on and coming back every time you tried to end things.
I'm sorry for stopping you even though I know all you were doing was protecting my heart.
I'm sorry for not believing you when you said you weren't ready for this yet. And for telling you and believing I could handle just being what we were and nothing else. That was my first mistake.
I'm sorry for not understanding how to play these games of "don't seem to eager" or "make him chase you."
I'm sorry for wanting to be around you so much even though I know you needed your time alone. I never meant to seem needy.
I'm sorry for being indecisive and not know where my future is headed. I'm sorry I couldn’t give you a five-year plan. But I did hope you'd be in it – I just didn't say anything.
I'm not sorry about being me.
I'm not sorry for falling for you as hard as I did.
I'm not sorry for every smile and laugh and ridiculous dance move.
I'm not sorry for wanting to be around you.
I'm sorry about holding on but I'm not sorry about what we were - it's too special to be sorry about.
For more of Ariel's work, like her on Facebook